Whenever I bravely voyage beyond the nurturing cocoon of my bedroom, I’m often placed in front of a human whom I’ve never met before. (“Socialising”, that’s the word I was looking for.) These confrontations used to be an eye-gouge of awkward exchanges, but I’m starting to get good at it, although it took me a while to adapt to this reoccurring conversation:
It’s an eternally difficult question, one that Giles Hardie recently broke down with surgical precision. For years, I had no idea how to truthfully respond to “What’s your favourite movie?”
Until I had this one amazing thought: If I don’t know what the truth is, then screw the truth! I’m just gonna prepare answers that help me out in social occasions, honesty be damned.
After many of these encounters ending with blank stares and no new friendships, I took it upon myself to construct three answers that would help improve any social situation.
The first “favourite” film is one I use to reinforce the idea that I am a cinema God, one that glows with radiant cultured-ness by means of sitting in a cinema more often than most.
To pull this off yourself, you’ll need a film cemented in cinema history as a “classic”, made by a reputable filmmaker and is NOT Citizen Kane (if you’re gonna feed bullshit to somebody, at least sprinkle it with originality). You’ll also get bonus points if you chose a film in a foreign language or if you manage to convincingly use the term “mise-en-scène” without knowing what it means.
My go-to answer is 12 Angry Men. It’s Oscar-nominated, in the IMDb Top 10, has 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, directed by cinema master Sidney Lumet, and it is definitely NOT Citizen Kane. Above all else, it’s a phenomenal, invincible piece of filmmaking. There’s so much that’s mise-en-scène, and even more that’s mise-un-scène.
The second “favourite” film I use is vital to the grand tale about how I discovered myself as “a film guy” and how the film reflects my “complex personality”. This is for any situation where you’re feeling particularly self-indulgent.
For this one, your film needs to come attached with a story made up of 20% truth, 70% memory lapses and a 10% dirty lies. It should also come with qualities that reflect who you are – or who you want them to think you are.
For me, that film is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I first saw it in my mid-teens, looking for a funny Jim Carrey comedy to pass the time. I misjudged the film, to say the least, and it did something no Carrey comedy of the ‘90s ever did – it forced me to think.
I was confused after my first viewing of the film, then I grew curious, which then turned into obsession. I bought the DVD and watched the film on a weekly basis, unpicking both the narrative and thematic devices on an old whiteboard my parents never used. When I finally charted the mind map of the main character and all the ideas expressed and referred to in each scene, I suddenly realised how deep movies could be – and how deep of a thinker I could be.
The themes of recoiled loneliness, the impulsive desire to forget a collapsed relationship, and the unrecognised beauty of a perfect memory all spoke out to me as a misunderstood dandy of sensitivity. Eternal Sunshine was a mirror that helped me find self-acceptance during a very confusing time in my life.
I’ve memorised this story word for word, and if you can spin some equally-convincing bullshit, you’ll be flying aces.
I will only ever used my third “favourite” film with a stranger who also happens to be a “cinema person”. Or if I just feel like being a devious douchebag that day.
The only objective here is to pick a film that is so very far away from “favourite film” territory but not so unrealistic that it breaks believability.
Though it may be tempting to blurt out Norbit, Battlefield Earth, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Vampires Suck or Taken 3, you’ll get caught out immediately. Instead, you’re gonna want to bowl some spinners – movies that lack just enough quality to make a “favourite” choice seem confusing but aren’t bad enough to totally dismiss the possibility. My personal “favourite” favourites are Mortal Kombat, Step Up 3D, Cellular, Pokemon: The First Movie and – if I’m feeling extra daring – Ernest Saves Christmas.
If you’re also a “film person” who has felt just as disjointed answering the doom question of “what’s your favourite film?”, now you have the tools to combat it – albeit by lying right in front of a stranger’s face in the hopes of becoming their friend. Have fun.
This isn’t a simple confession from Liam being a cold, heartless liar about his three film favourites – we are compiling a list of The 100 Greatest Movies Ever Made. We want it to be awesome, so make awesome decisions! And, speaking of awesome, one lucky voter will win ALL 100 FILMS on Blu-ray or DVD. Vote and go in the draw here.
Photos credit: deathtothestockphoto.com
