Despite whatever Kate Hudson may tell you, love isn’t perfect. It can generate overwhelming sensations, crippling us in many ways, often greying out the line between right and “that’s just plain nasty”.
Intentional or not, movies often tread these waters. Whether they stir up social controversy, challenge moral judgement or are just straight-up illegal, these are ten romantic pairings that are more than slightly inappropriate.
10. Lady and the Tramp
The Culprits:
Lady (Barbara Luddy)
Tramp (Larry Roberts)
In Disney’s world of rainbows, unicorns and capitalist lions, it’s plausible to have a romance between a lower class dog and a rich bitch (female dog, people). However, in today’s crippling economy and Wall Street antics, there’s bound to be some 19th Century law they’d use to criminalise their love.
9. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
The Culprits:
Philip (Sam Claflin)
Syrena (Astrid Berges-Frisbey)
The romance between a Christian and a mermaid is initially a strange one, but when you add the likelihood of future marriage (which, given the dude’s faith, is bound to come up), they’ll essentially own each other. At that moment, Philip will have illegally poached an endangered marine animal.
8. Star Wars: A New Hope
The Culprits:
Luke (Mark Hamill)
Leia (Carrie Fisher)
Luke and Leia, unknowing siblings, made out. It’s weird, and illegal in many places, though we’re not sure if the federation have ‘Accidental Incest’ in their law book. Oddly enough, it’s one of the few parts of the original trilogy George Lucas decided to leave untouched. Yuck.
7. TRON: Legacy
The Culprits:
Sam (Garrett Hedlund)
Quorra (Olivia Wilde)
Sure, his father directed him to take Quorra out of The Grid, but really, Sam just wanted to get a little Wilde. In doing so, he unlawfully took copy-written data and exposed it to the world. Basically, that’s internet piracy.
6. Ghost
The Culprits:
Sam (Patrick Swayze)
Molly (Demi Moore)
Near the end, Whoopi Goldberg’s fortune-telling character lets Sam’s spirit enter her body so he can give Molly one final intimate moment. Technically, nothing illegal happened, but if they were given a few more minutes, they’d have humped like Viagra-addicted rabbits. Then you’d have Whoopi suing for abuse.
5. Superman
The Culprits:
Superman (Christopher Reeve)
Lois Lane (Margot Kidder)
At face value, Lois and Clarke share a pretty harmless bond, but relations with an unknown alien organism is bound to have both the FBI and Area 51 on your back, and you better believe they’d throw your ass in jail for “tainting” government property.
4. The Twilight Saga
The Culprits:
Bella (Kristen Stewart)
Jacob (Taylor Lautner)
Maybe it’s because he’s a wolf only part of the time that Bella and Jacob’s prior relationship is only partly illegal. Nevertheless, in the real world, there’d be a swarm out to court martial Bella on animal cruelty charges. You can’t break his abdomen, but you can break that poor wolf’s heart.
Watch trailer for Breaking Dawn Part 1
3. Big
The Culprits:
Josh (Tom Hanks)
Susan (Elizabeth Perkins)
After an impulsive wish to become an adult, Josh fast-forwards to his 30ish-year-old body. Susan, also 30ish, finds his youthful exuberance charming. A relationship forms between her and Josh… who’s only been alive for 12 years. Statutory. Illegal.
2. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
The Culprits:
Scott (Michael Cera)
Ramona (Mary Elizabeth Winstead)
In a world where the only law enforcement officers seem to be the vegan police, it can be easy to blow off the fact that Scott Pilgrim conducts seven accounts of murder. You might be able to excuse it as self defence if it weren’t a conditional for dating Ramona.
1. Let the Right One In
The Culprits:
Oskar (Kare Hedebrant)
Eli (Lina Leandersson)
Eli needs to be provided with blood, constantly. This equates to mass murder, a task Oskar looks prepared for, whether it be aiding or abiding. To keep their relationship alive, he must commit the highest illegality. Judging by Eli’s last caretaker, it seems Oskar’s in for the long haul…
