Alex Cross

Review: Alex Cross

22 Nov 12

Medea's Psycho-killer Bottom-burp :(

Say what you will about modern thriller fiction, but when it comes to highly entertaining, fast-moving page-turners that are instantly forgettable, but fun while they last, there's not much better than Lee Child's Jack Reacher series or James Patterson's Alex Cross books.

So why can't they make a decent movie out of Cross? Patterson's Washington DC psychologist, detective, father, family man and all round good guy is described in the books as tall and not dissimilar to the actor Denzel Washington... so Morgan Freeman was horribly miscast in the by-the-numbers 'Silence of the Lambs' knock-offs 'Kiss the Girls' and 'Along Came a Spider.' But if you thought Freeman was miscast as Cross, wait till you get a load of his latest incarnation...

Tyler Perry shrugs off his drag persona, 'Medea,' and his attempt at acting is so bland that poor old Matthew Fox (Jack off the infuriating TV drama 'Lost') just seems ridiculous as the psychopath 'Picasso' - acting his heart out and trying so hard when everyone else just seems too embarrassed by Perry to even text in a performance.

John C. McGinley (who was so great in TV comedy 'Scrubs') is simply ridiculous as Cross' Police Captain and Edward Burns, playing Cross' partner, reminds us why he never became a Hollywood star. As for Jean Reno? I think he was almost as embarrassed to be in this as I was to watch it, but at least HE probably got oodles of cash to ease his guilt...

There are murder victims aplenty - but the real victim here is the book on which it is based which is sliced-up, mutilated and horribly tortured before your very eyes. It's sickening to behold, as the book is gratuitously sliced and diced until a script is spewed forth that would barely suffice for use on 'Murder She Wrote.'
In 2010 word was that Idris Elba was cast as Alex Cross. Elba would have been great casting - but I doubt even he could have overcome the one-dimensional script or the deadpan direction offered by Rob ('XXX' and 'The Fast and the Furious') Cohen. As a sub-'Silence of the Lambs' style psycho-killer thriller the film is a confused mess with little to no character development and direction so pedestrian it may as well be an episode of 'Magnum P.I.'
Late one rain-sodden night when you can't sleep, this will be fine to stumble upon on some god-forsaken TV channel. But as a film? This 'Alex Cross' just succeeded in making me cross and at a loss, because to be honest, Boss, it's dross, and, well gosh, I have more fun when I floss than suffering this utter tosh...